Monday, July 24, 2017
Where is my wanting?
Today, can I be the reversal? Instead of sending my wanting out, can I gently look inward to see where my wanting is and call it Home? Just the honest looking inward and seeing without judgment (True Forgiveness) is all that is needed.
Desire is splintered into fragments of wanting which play out in situations and relationships in our worlds. Beneath the obvious situation at hand, there are core desires: wanting approval/admiration from ourselves and others; wanting control of myself, my environment, and others; wanting my security, both emotionally and physically; and wanting a separate special status.
As we live our lives and find ourselves reacting or judging or feeling depressed or "off" in some way, we can pause and just welcome these feelings. If we're sad or frustrated or angry etc., we can ask ourselves -- what is it that I'm wanting right now? We can take a moment to feel it all fully without rationalizing it (being right), spiritualizing it (using our intellect to judge it as part of a spiritual framework), or pushing it away in some other fashion.
As we do, a funny thing happens -- we notice that we are not these feelings.
Something changeless like space exists prior to them. I Am. The feelings are objects that come and go. They float through awareness, which is the intimate sense of me-ness without any other parameters. As awareness, we can welcome them fully, then let them go.
There are no bad or good thoughts or feelings. There is simply energy that arises. The mind will often try to analyse and find the "why" for them, but that's an old pattern that does not work to free us. Instead, we can just fully welcome our "guests." As we do, these energy forms can rest and dissolve.
Ultimately, the ego is a summation of this energy, but it is really all God, wanting to come Home or be released. We come to find out we are the guru we've been looking for. Realization is a do-it-yourself job, as Lester Levenson said.
Body identification (physical and psychological) is a strong, old habit, but that's all. As I practice welcoming all the images and feelings that arise, it weakens. I can begin to watch this body like I watch other bodies...like I am watching a dream or a movie.
From this neutrality, the Truth naturally shines.
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