The Fire of Grace
I'm calling for You, God. I know now You are with me, but in my wildest imaginings, I could never have known it would be like this.
You work me day and night. Day and night there is burning, burning, burning until at times my very cells feel like red hot embers.
The time of seeming choice is over. Heaven knows no delay and respects no worldly rules. I will to Shine, and since that is Your Will, the Universe of time and space are conspiring to make it so. Disorientation sometimes occurs as linear rules cease to apply, but I only suffer until I remember (which is quickly now) to Let Go and enjoy the ride.
As I go about the day, Your Voice speaks through all the people, places, and things I encounter. It is Your Voice in my own head, too, that comes like morse code -- quickly, emphatically, concisely -- penetrating through whatever white noise may be droning lightly in the background. You offer only Gifts: a preparatory glimpse of something to come, an instruction, a prompt to speak certain words or move in a certain direction, a helpful reminder that evaporates the momentary lapse into an uninspired cul de sac of egoic identification....we move with ease through the dream, cleansing the symbols of all the meaning I gave them and exposing the personal identification, in all its flavors from obvious to oh-so subtle, that offers only death.
Thank You, God -- for taking such care of me. When rest is needed, it is Given. Food, funds, fun....Mighty Friends.....all Given without seeking or efforting.
Thank You, God -- for having a Plan that cannot fail to work. While I was secretly afraid You'd left me out all those years, You were simply being uncompromising in Your dedication to building a foundation of Trust that could withstand this Awakening.
Thank You, God -- My heart breaks on a regular basis, and yet, any sting felt quickly turns to a kiss. As Robert Frost said, "Something there is that doesn't love a wall." The fortress must come down, and whatever has not been chipped away in 48 years, will now be collapsed, unceremoniously and rapidly, under Your wrecking ball, then set aflame. And I will hold the match!
And when demolition is what is happening, I'm so grateful --- Thank You, God. Something within me naturally rushes to the Deepest Stillness. From there, while Laura burns, I experience a causeless Joy that blooms out of my own obedience to You.
So let the fires rage -- there is nothing to be done but to Be Quiet. To lift a finger would be sacrilege. I have nothing of value. Everything not of You must be condemned and consumed so that only Your Holy Mind is left.