There is no way to Love, for Love is the Way
A current of constant Life seems to flow now. Viscerally, I experience it. While I have been taught the body is unreal, it is still my symbol, and now it's used to bring me closer to the Causeless Joy that is our Inheritance. Everything hums within me, and while it modulates throughout the day, there are times that I feel I may implode in its intensity. Then there are times, often during a joining with a Friend, where the Life within me goes very Deep and Still and Intense and out may come words or a song, but the flood that carries these symbols could carve the Grand Canyon.
Everything has become involuntary, and I am left in Gratitude and Awe and Joy.
And the "outer" has naturally shifted accordingly. What used to feel solid now has a perpetual surreal quality. The trappings of a "normal" life -- jobs, homes, children, bodies in general, responsibilities, time, space, etc. -- play only minor roles in this phase of the Awakening Play. Each day is dreamlike, and during the moments when there is an invitation to feed the body, talk with the son, perform a duty, etc., something moves through me effortlessly. People see what they will but I secretly know I have not had to lift a finger.
I am resting in God's Love no matter what seems to be arising before and through me.
In the story, I literally find myself on the Road Home to God tour, a spontaneous music tour with two of my Mighty Companions. We follow the Invitations offered around the country, and we remember that our only "job" is to bless, for in the giving there is also the receiving. Most of the time is used in Purposeful "mind training" as any residual dynamics needing healing will be felt and expressed first through our trio. It's a rich time of cleansing, discovering the depths of Trust and True Intimacy, and allowing our magnitude to be evoked through the seeming clashes and corresponding joy that make up the dance of being with each other.
What seems to be happening right now in "real life" -- this spontaneous "Road Home to God" tour -- is the perfect metaphor for the whole of what I used to call "my life." I see it was always just this, but now my Mind is more clear, and so the other distractions have faded or dropped away. What is left of "I" that could be any hindrance to Truth can be undone more directly than ever, and so the pace has accelerated.
Glimpses of the constancy of True Joy are dawning.
In this new phase, somewhere along the way I was transported into the passenger seat of "my life." God drives now. I have no clue how to get from point A to point B, and -- as I have heard Adyashanti say -- I am so grateful of that, because I can find nothing in myself alone that could back out of the driveway without causing a wreck.
I'm clueless, yet very content. I experience how cared for I am in every moment, and the Gratitude that is a practically permanent condition within me has replaced the low-level anxiety that used to be the slow-death white noise of Laura's life.
Thank you, God.
As a passenger, I don't know where He's taking me, nor do I particularly care. I just know it's Good, wherever we're headed. We tour the dream from moment to moment, and I just gaze out the side window like a toddler whose nature is trust and receptivity. I coast along and take in the gifts. Wonder has replaced "figuring things out."
And then there are those healing opportunities.....
I've noticed that occasionally the car seems to halt, and it's like my old mind may activate. A feeling of being perplexed or annoyed (or something more strong!) arises. Often it is caught and I am restored to Peace immediately, but sometimes there is more being raised up to see, and the process can go "messy" for a bit. The old mind is referred to as though it still has something to offer this process.
Its interrogation begins:
"Are we at a toll booth? A fork in the road? A brick wall? Are we stopping to make a U-turn because we 'took a wrong turn at Albuquerque?' Do we know where are? Do we even know where we're going? Did we run out of gas? Do we have enough money? Should we call someone? Send up a flare? Does anyone know we're out here? Should we even have left? What will happen next, and what will the world think about it???????"
... and on and on.
But here is the gold I really want to share with you:
It is not when the thoughts arise that the Life/Joy Current dims.... but only when I listen and then use the thoughts to take a position of some kind. Then it is as though Niagra Falls come to a stop, and New York City goes pitch black in the wink of an eye. It is that fast and that dramatic.
And I laugh now to know this -- I am so grateful!!! Only the personal "I" will take a stand in any kind of reaction to What Is. I can no longer afford a judgment or a strong opinion.
Not long ago, someone presented me with a problem, and reinforced in me the need to change my behavior. Respecting this person, I took it all in, then tried to understand and follow. The Force blew out within me like a candle being snuffed. At once, my mind went into fear thoughts -- mostly having nothing to do with the situation.
Those crazy, irrational (irrelevant!) thoughts were the red flag I needed to really see and catch the sneaky egoic maneuver so fast. Thank God! It was like I'd been surfing the world's longest, strongest, highest wave, and had fallen off, seemingly for no reason. Ah, but there was a good one. Reason, that is.
I'd tapped off the Love as part of the strategy to "fix" the problem. And so now I'm onto a subtle flavor of the ego's worn out bag of tricks that tempt us into choosing separation.
We can not afford to close the tap on Love, no matter what the situation. Appearances will tempt us to think something has "gone wrong," but that's impossible. Allow deep seeing to occur where healing is needed, and then keep quiet. Resist the temptation to choose a "strategy" to solve what you think is your problem, even if you have the best intentions.
Love is all that is real, and there will be many set-ups to tempt us out of that Love for the "good" of our healing. Don't fall for it. Allow, and get even more humble.
We can not know our way Home, but we can choose Love which is the Way....then just Trust. Let the appearances do what they will do, for our success is as Certain as God.