Love is in my refuge...
Each has her own steps to take in her own time. Each has his own bridge of Forgiveness to build and then to cross. Each has the decision to make -- am I willing to choose only Love? -- in the face of all the dark thoughts, images, and other temptations that we can count on plaguing us. When we are sleepless at 3am and aching out of fear or guilt or anger, each of us must find our willingness to reach out to the Christ -- the Light within -- and ask for Help. And each of us must do this over and over and over.
It seems the true mystics and saints -- even the ones that gained notoriety, and we can be sure many never did -- spent a lot of time alone. Knowing there is no refuge in the world, they turned within. That is where all the "juice" was. That's where it all Happened. Privately. Quietly.
Occasionally, they shared what they found with others. They were mostly misunderstood. Always, the true mystic could ultimately only offer pointers. They showed us where to look. But their only "command" for eager pupils wanting to know the steps they needed to take to arrive in the space of Presence they felt when they were with their Teacher could be translated as something the dear sage Mooji often says: "Go find out."
Because I must find out. There are no substitute steps. What's more, I must find out....experience... over and over and over. I'm going for Certainty. Certainty is not a commodity that can be diluted or bargained away by the lure or threat of something else, some new idea. Certainty Is.
We must not allow ourselves to settle for facsimile of experience that is like a type of hypnosis. I may read the right books, join with the right people, do the right things in the world, affirm the right "truths" in my mind, but these do not, of themselves, lead to awakening. Yes, they inspire and are often helpful. But when I am honest, I can ask myself -- am I under the power of a new suggestion? Suggestions can, and will (sooner or later) be, over-ridden. They are part of the mental world. They are changeable. In worldly terms, hypnosis is real -- but it is not Truth.
My only gauge is "am I peaceful?" And if I say "yes" can I be sure that it is True Peace? Is it unconditional? Is It naturally effervescent in Its Givingness?
Or does it ask of others or situations or futures to sustain itself?
My asking is a way to sustain a transitory phenomena. And I can accept that this is where I am most often. But I can also remember Truth is Changeless.
I want What Never Changes. I want the "peace that passeth understanding." I want the "kingdom within." I want to know that the Absolute and I are the same. And so I am continually humbled:
- I am humble in how little I can offer to this process.
- I am humble in knowing that it is by Grace that this unfolding happens.
- I am humble in seeing all the tricks of the ego that would usurp the spiritual process.
- I am humble in accepting I must offer no less than Infinite Patience and practice eternally...without judgement for how things seem to appear.
There's a funny (as in unfamiliar to the egoic identity) sense of well-being in all this humility. Of my "self" I can do nothing. Nada. But Love feels so much closer when I know this...things are getting simpler.
God wants only that I turn to Him always. It's a non-event, by the world's standards. "I Am sustained by the Love of God." (Workbook Lesson 50 in A Course in Miracles.) Yes, I'm sustained and it looks like doing the dishes.
God wants that I use the power of Looking -- the Holiness in my Mind -- to see with Love all that is not the Truth. Love and I, we just look ... we say "Not that, not that, not that...." When there are raging tantrums and hurricanes that storm through the mind, we wait Quietly for them to pass.
I Look and I Trust. I let my Heart Rest in the Quiet Space in my mind that I share with Christ.
Here's a new song to share with you. "I Am With You" which I wrote and recorded recently in my kitchen. It's a bit rough -- recorded in my dining room -- but a CD is in the works for 2014. (You can also follow me and my music by clicking the Facebook link on the right column.) I hope you enjoy.