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Friday, December 30, 2011

The Ease of Acceptance

I have had the best realization:  I have been making the whole issue of forgiveness waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too hard. 

I've been hanging out with Jesus/Holy Spirit/Source in my mind a lot lately.  But this time in the form of Ramana Maharshi, inspired by a couple dreams and a book. 

My time spent in this non-doing has turned out to be like a radical inversion of the world's Occupy movement.  As I Occupy my mind with my Friend, instead of protesting all the corruption and chaos I see in my mind and world, we -- my bud Ramana and I -- just smile at it and Accept it all.

Yes, that's what I said. I am Accepting everything.  That is to say, I am not resisting, fixing, analyzing, or even forgiving. (although I actually am...but I'm not trying to forgive.) 

Now this might seem too simple, but I'll tell you what -- it's addicting.  When I wake up feeling angst-y about the thing I should have done, or the thing I shouldn't have said, or the thoughts about past or future that I shouldn't be entertaining....we Accept.  All the images, feelings, actions, and inactions -- we just Accept them without changing anything. That's it!

And when I indulge in some behavior or thinking that I know is not good for me during the day? That's when I join my smiling Bud where he is always sitting, Shining up the place in my mind with a soft, luminous lovely Light, and we grin together.  Then we Accept that, yep, this is what I seem to be doing.  Oh well, we say, and oh isn't it nice to Rest in this Quiet Place while she goes on about the script?  I can stay here where it's Quiet even while I/she is experiencing something that she may have called "discomfort" before.

When a thought about a loved one that I may harbor worries around occurs to me?  I Accept that they may or may not do or not do the things that may or may not be bad or good.  And I Accept that I have not been moved through inspiration to say or do or fix the person or situation in the script...or if I am inspired to take action, I do it and forget about it.  Because who cares what the outcome is anyway?  Either way, I will rush to Accept.

This having no preferences around outcomes makes things so much simpler and easy!

There's more to this Acceptance though - It's an unspeakable Quietness.  A Gentleness.  A Lovingness.  It's like my Mind is becoming this soft cuddly Hug towards all the things that are sharp and that used to stab it and cause it pain.

Mostly my Acceptance is being applied to the Laura character that I spend time imagining I am.  All her flaws, weaknesses, errors --- all the sins of her past and fears for her future -- I just Accept.  There's nothing to "do" about her.  She's a hopeless case, really! In fact, there's never been a way to make her more spiritual or good.  It's like she's a paper doll and I can enjoy her even though she gets dog-eared and frayed.  I can Accept what she looks like, what she wants to do, what she doesn't want to do, what her "karma" or script turns into, what loves her, what leaves her, what hurts her, what pleases her.  These experiences that change are nothing -- just like little surface ripples on a vast, deep Ocean.

If I forget momentarily, I'm finding it helps to ask "Who wants something to be some other way?"  And this seems to re-focus me pretty quickly because it helps me remember that the one that has all the opinions is the individual self, which I have found to be nothing solid at all.  She blows with the wind, really...one day imagining this and the next imagining that.  Everything written about the capriciousness of the ego is true by my own honest inquiry into myself.  So I have given up on her. But not on the Presence that moves through her.

So if you have found Forgiveness hard... maybe you can stop trying to Forgive?  Maybe just Accept.  Embrace.  It's a very Quiet thing to do.  So Quiet the mind falls naturally into Rest, like an old body that has run a marathon and now plunges into a thick cozy featherbed.

Try it, you'll like it. :)

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