Lucid Dreamers Know "I Am That"
To describe: It's like the familiar orbit I have called "normal" that my mind naturally takes -- the circular movement of my thought as it spirals up towards truth (and sometimes down out of fear) -- has sped up.
This is the motion that is meant when I talk about those switchbacks up the mountain, where I learn and relearn (and re-relearn) old lessons. It's the same movement that leads me to occasional breakdowns and breakthroughs. This movement which has been gently rolling along since I have had the awareness to notice has been put on "spin cycle."
I did not get the memo this was going to happen, but I suppose there is no way to prepare -- or better, if I'm here, then I'm safe in assuming everything leading to "here" has been preparation. It's like an ingenius cosmic cleanse! The centrifugal force caused by the speedup has required that I either a) get a lobotomy so I can forget everything and hopefully stop the incessant spinning, b) do drugs so I can forget everything and hopefully stop the incessant spinning, or c) Let Go....and fly.
I have (mostly) opted for c, although there have been occasional glasses of alcohol involved! Let's just say, I am deeply in the "Let Go" process. That process also goes hand-in-hand by necessity with the verb form of "Trust." They are inextricably linked. A perfect pairing like fine wine and the right cheese. You can't practice one without practicing the other. Not really. You can maybe fake "Letting go" without "Trusting" or "Trusting" without "Letting go" to yourself and others....for awhile. Ultimately, your shaking knees give you away. They are the tell-tale signs that you are either hiding horrific fear of the unknown, or the strain of trying to hold a house of cards together while you simultaneously try to run the world for God (who you secretly believe is a major slacker).
Either way, you fall down.
Ok, so Trust and Letting Go are old themes, so what's the big deal?
I'm a bit melodramatic, as you must know by now. But really, I don't mean that this has been a bad time. This has been a rich time. And a gentle time really, even in its intense moments. I've watched myself become a "monster" (by my own estimation), biting on the fear bait that the ego casts in some situation, and speaking or acting or thinking in ways that are downright murderous at their core. And I've watched myself float effortlessly through a tense situation, not taking the ego fear/hatred bait, but instead feeling a blissful sense of Peace, all the while knowing that "all is well" despite appearances and that there could not possibly be a True Problem. I have watched Peace unfold around and through me...the Living Miracle. Sometimes I have watched both "me's" take turns running the show at the same dinner table!
Both "me's" have stunned the Observer Me, the one witnessing.
I have noticed that identifying as Christ -- the idea that so many of the later ACIM lessons is dedicated to -- is slowly happening. As I dedicate more of my time to forgiveness (and I seem to have a lot of time to dedicate these days, thankfully) I get glimmers of my True Self. It's like a war that I have waged against myself for eons is fading, dropping away. It can't remain in the light of radical, quantum forgiveness that realizes nothing real, nothing with any meaning worth keeping, has happened. Only Truth is True. Only Innocence is Real.
The Christ identity we all share is being blocked from our awareness by our guilt about the little puppet lives -- our own and others -- that have no true reality. The sleeping Christ is waking, though. Laura and her "life" seem more like a dream....and the One that is Teacher is Helping her watch through new eyes that can begin to see. She sees the dragons and the fairies and they are less deceptive somehow. Instead of fearing or hating them, she feels she really wants to Know them, because they are a part of Her whom she Loves and wants to Join with again. She releases them from the binding veils that have disguised them from her, knowing this releases her Self.
The whole life of Laura, past, present, and future? Forgiven. The monster in front of me? Forgiven, totally innocent, and just a loving Me with a veil I put on "him". The monster within me? Forgiven, totally innocent, and accepted as a loving Me with a veil I put on "her."
More and more, I am feeling like a Lucid Dreamer, knowing simply and without fanfare or exception "I am that" and not being so deceived by the disguise. More and more, I feel Teachers are with me everywhere, all the time at my service, waiting to love me and help me and guide me. More and more, I feel Trust in Their Words and the Love that they are here to Extend, so that I may come to Extend only what I Am.
It's like a great Play is coming to an end. The masks are coming off and our True Beauty and Oneness are being revealed. Now is the time to celebrate!
It may sound corny, new age-y, and trite. I can't help it. One is watching this happen now...and Choosing what It wants to learn. Soon Laura will cease to be of any great concern as One loves her drives, compulsions, and other defenses into submission. Lovingly. Gently.