Tuesday, August 30, 2011
What am I protecting with my fear of being a fool for others? I am protecting Laura's core that will be destroyed by criticism, misunderstanding, invisibility, separation.
Holy Spirit: Is that true?
Self/me: The world cannot really know me and yet I feel the desire, an energy that is serving as the foundation under all of my pursuits, that it do so. Therefore for as many years as I stay identified as "me," we -- my projected world and my "me" identity -- have a love/hate special (from ACIM's perspective) relationship. We must. There is no other way.
Why can the world not ever know "me"? Because there is no "me" to be known. The concept that I have identified as "me" is completely made up. And yet it is real to my imagination, because I believe in it for now. And so my reality, my me-ness, is looking for acknowledgement "out there" in the projected world of "others" which is also identified with made up "me's" that I from my made up self would call "them's." And we can't even speak to each other from that "me" state, because we are nothing but mirrors for the unconscious, sleeping Self. We can only try to manipulate until disappointment is too great that we move on to find a better "me" puppet to manipulate, and so on.
And yet the frustration becomes too much eventually, because the Self that is I knows at a deep level it's all made up and the Truth has never bent to its unconscious mind's wishes.
Maybe I seem to be on some spiritual Path...but then "me" is doing the path. Pursuing something. The saving Grace of it all is that by virtue of the Truth being True and uncompromising, while "me" thought I was practicing and studying a Path to Truth, the Path was undoing me. I was never the doer at all. I laugh!
Am I ready to be The Fool? The Fool laughs at the arrogance, grandiosity, ignorance, unconsciousness of "me." The Fool threatens "me" but frees my Self. The Fool pulls the carpet out from under "me," and laughs when "me" seems to fall on its butt. The Fool seems vicious, mean to "me" at times. The Fool knows every weakness, every fear. The Fool does this major theater piece that seems to elicit excruciating discomfort in "me" ...but where "me" thought it was to engender more fear and guilt, "me" was wrong again.
"I am" that is always Choosing is finding that -- at the Fool's Hand -- It gains the motivation to drop Its identification with "me." It is too painful to keep holding that made-up, silly belief. Finally, The Path shakes me free of "me," like "me" was no more than dirty lint.
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