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Showing posts from August, 2011

The Fool

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What am I protecting with my fear of being a fool for others? I am protecting Laura's core that will be destroyed by criticism, misunderstanding, invisibility, separation.   
Holy Spirit: Is that true?
Self/me: The world cannot really know me and yet I feel the desire, an energy that is serving as the foundation under all of my pursuits, that it do so.  Therefore for as many years as I stay identified as "me," we -- my projected world and my "me" identity -- have a love/hate special (from ACIM's perspective) relationship. We must. There is no other way.
Why can the world not ever know "me"?  Because there is no "me" to be known.  The concept that I have identified as "me" is completely made up. And yet it is real to my imagination, because I believe in it for now.  And so my reality, my me-ness, is looking for acknowledgement "out there" in the projected world of "others" which is also identified with made up …

Mooji speaks on Relationships as we Undo our Ego

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I thought this was a beautiful summary of what seems to happen as we undo our old attachments and how our existing relationships can be uncomfortable to others, and confusing to us, as we shift. The Course In Miracles cautions that we not abandon our relationships as we make this turn, for they are simply being set right, and it feels awkward for a while when the old (ego) purpose for them is not working anymore.

"Don't make demonstrations of your spirituality....Out of your Quietness you see you don't need any preparations to meet any human being. It will be fresh. Trust yourself." -- Mooji



A song

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Sweet Amazing Grace Song   (*fixed the link* Click the title link for an MP3... nice and raw right off my digital recorder...no editing here! :) )

When I give my needs to You,
You give me Every Thing.
Where I thought You'd ask for sacrifice,
Only Riches do I see.

When I give my Trust to You,
You give my Life to me.
And where I feared that I would fail You,
You show me I can fly.

::Refrain::
Hide and seek but do not find,
I've played this game too long.
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Your Sweet Amazing Grace pours through this song....

When I take down the walls,
Your Light comes streaming in.
And where I feared you'd reject me,
You pour me Holy Wine instead.

::Refrain::
How could I try to hide from You?
It's a mystery to me.
For now I know Your Smile's my own
When I'm flowing naturally....

When I knock on Your Door
You invite me In.
And when I take Your Outstretched Hand
I know not where I end ...and You begin.

Your Sweet Amazing Grace.....
Sweet Amazin…

Your Life is a Classroom, But You Can't Fail the Final

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A Course in Miracles teaches us, as we've discussed here, that when you begin to realize that you really want Peace over all the drama/sickness/death/chaos you've been experiencing, your "life" (the one you think you are living here) becomes your classroom. Learning your lessons now becomes your Purpose. The curriculum is always some aspect of Forgiveness...the real kind, as we've said, where you "Forgive" all the interpretations/meaning/judgement that you've been assigning to everything. You get better at doing this as you get better at listening to the Holy Spirit Teacher (which is in your mind) instead of the ego teacher (which is also in your mind.) You are always listening to one or the other.

Until you wanted Peace, you were always listening to the ego. It was teaching you (by your choice) that the world is real, the things in it are real, you are real, and the guilt/fear/pain/suffering/deprivation etc holding the whole sand castle togeth…

The Collapsing of Time

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A more esoteric idea that A Course In Miracles teaches is that our Forgiveness is actually collapsing time.  If that seems like it's gotta be a bad thing, read on.

First, remember, we're talking about the Real Deal Forgiveness, the kind where you are Forgiving all the stuff that isn't really happening. All you are actually doing -- the mechanics of this type of Forgiving -- is Looking at any attack that seems to happen "out there" or in your mind with the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is not so mysterious or religion-bound as you probably imagine.  First "Holy Spirit" is really just a word (two words actually) and a word is just a symbol that you give a bunch of meaning to, right? In programming lingo, it's like a pointer.  So if you would prefer to call the Holy Spirit "Fred" that could work quite nicely, too, and I'm sure that the Holy Spirit would not mind a bit.

Holy Spirit/Fred is that part of your Mind that is Quiet and Still. It&…

Sing it...R-e-s-p-e-c-t

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One of the most difficult ego addictions to overcome is the need to be right.  Being right is a very big deal to the ego. It is, in fact, crucial to the ego's existence, and that is why we can't take it lightly. In so many subtle ways, our ego sneaks in through this door of Being Right, rushing in like a faux Super Man to save us from the thing the ego tells us will kill us: Being Wrong.  It tells us that being wrong is like dying from a thousand paper cuts.  It's a slow, painful death...we bleed all over the place, we suffer at the expense of someone else, over time we give our actual "life" to some ingrate or collection of ingrates.

So we see something or know something that we believe to be true.  Then someone, often a loved one, disagrees with us.  This gives the ego the perfect opportunity to jump in with a full arsenal of defenses.  The ego has been waiting patiently for this.  The ego is ready and has a plan, and it's not pretty. (Although the ego trie…

Surrender

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My favorite Rumi saying is, "You can't get drunk from the wine list."  (Note: my attraction to this saying -- the only one I remember of his -- is no doubt in part because I have a "special" love relationship with actual wine.)  But it's true, you know? 

A Course in Miracles sucks us intellectual-thinker types right in.  It's so big! There are so many words in three books!  There are so many concepts!  It says beautiful things in beautiful ways! (nevermind the gory parts) The symphonic theoretical framework is so vast and provocative and ...and there's so much theory to debate (again, who are we kidding..argue) about with our friends! A bunch of really smart people brought it into this world!  The story around it is really Amazing! And when all that has been explored intellectually to death, we can move on to countless writings by others, books, cds, movies....then we can extend our pursuits further. We can go to workshops! We can hear about their …

The Other F-Word...Freedom

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There's been a flurry of images and stories and metaphors floating around my mind the last few weeks, which I've been sharing here.  It's like this giant dot-to-dot drawing is being connected in my Mind.  My life has not been a random abstract line, as I once felt. My life is my Path, and -- when I raise my perspective high enough to look down on it -- I see it's taking a very specific shape.

It's the shape of an Open Door.  Behind the Door is a huge Light streaming in.  I know that if I go through this Door I will never be the same.

This is the door my life has been leading me towards. While your path may have the dots in different places, if you get high enough "above the battlefield", you'll see it's the same door waiting for you, too. If you Choose Peace.

Like Hansel and Gretel dropped crumbs to keep themselves from losing their ways through the forest, the Holy Spirit has been leaving me Crumbs...the dots that are now being connected...these …

"Dial 911!" vs. "I need do nothing"

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Years ago, when I was in the hospital for my then-baby son, I had some pretty bad days.  The ego was giving me the ol' one-two punch and knocking me on my you-know-what every time I turned around.  My baby was dying...he had no ability to create immune cells (no defenses...how symbolic is that!) and underwent a bone marrow transplant at 8 months old.  As you might expect, all kinds of "interesting" (that Chinese curse word again) things happened.  No aspect of my life went untouched by "interesting-ness."  I felt like I was being "interesting-ed" to death.

I was Mohammed Ali boxing with my ego -- fear, rage, guilt, and more fear -- daily. Constantly.  It was exhausting.  My ego, I see, loved it.

But the Holy Spirit was in there somewhere, too.  Eventually the washer spin-cycle that was my out-of-control emotional life would stop, and there I'd be...totally drained, but quiet for a bit.  Finally. He'd be waiting in the Quiet for me to Join him.…

Needs vs. Wants

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Great Gentleness is inside us.  We want it more than we know.

But we're also afraid of it.  How CRAZY is that?

Have you ever had the feeling, after listening to something that was so hauntingly beautiful it touched you down deep inside, that you suddenly needed to get up and do something urgently important like sort your socks?  You knew you just get away from people...and that creepy deeply-touching-you-within thing.

That's Gentleness sneaking up on you. You sniffed it out, knew what was coming, and you made a quick get-away.  It knows where you live, and you don't like that. Or your ego doesn't.

It's what the dark is trying to cover, by the way. And seeing It -- and making friends with it, like it so Wants to be Our Friend -- is the only point of looking at what we fear.

We open the dark closet, and -- surprise! -- Gentleness is right there, too. Right there looking all Big and Bright and Sweet and Glowing and Happy and Joyful and Sublime next to the bony, fang…

Answer to a friend

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I had a really good friend write me recently after he read one of my blog posts.  He is not A Course in Miracles student, and he made it clear that he wasn't interesting in becoming one. (That just shows what good sense he has!) However, he had a question of logic...a good one I might add:  If everything is an illusion run by the ego (and you happen to believe it like ACIM students claim they do), why does anyone bother doing anything?  Why doesn't everyone just logically commit some kind of suicide and end the game, since there's no longer any productive (i.e. worldly) point to doing anything?

With the proverbial ink barely dry on the oh-so cheery Death post I just made, it seems like an appropriate time to answer that question (for my Self, which my friend, being an image in my mind, has so perfectly mirrored for me.)  And actually, what is interesting is that a few weeks ago when he wrote to me the same answer didn't come forth...I wasn't there yet.

My answer t…

The Ego Attraction to Death

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Let's go in deep together, ok?  Let's reeeealllllly look.

Let's take off the gloves we wear to to keep our hands clean. Let's take off the rosy glasses we've worn to hide the ugliness from ourselves. Let's remove the spiritual platitudes we've tatooed over our thoughts -- we thought that was erasing them when really it was protecting them -- so we can finally see the ugly ones they sit on top of.  Let's stop believing our own PR about how spiritual we are.  Let's stop drinking the kool-aid...or the lemonade we thought we were being spiritually evolved to make out of all the sour lemons we manifested.  Let's stop putting lipstick of various pleasant-looking shades on the dirty pig that is the ego in an effort to make something that can only be horrific when seen for what it is seem "not so bad."  

Let's really open the closets and doors of our minds.  After all our efforts, it's STILL there. The ego.  Doing the same things o…

The Face of True Innocence

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It is a recurring theme on this blog, but it has occurred to me that much of what I seem to do comes from a part of me that believes it is me, Laura.  


Obviously, you say.  And besides, what's wrong with that?


Well, I am just thinking this through here, but something's definitely fishy.  Or maybe the fish that is the sleeping "I" is beginning to discover water.


Here it goes:


Laura is a concept, a body, a collection of events that have occurred over time, a separated identity, an image, etc.  In other words, she can't be real.  If she is the one awakening -- or hoping, striving, trying to -- what is really going on?  Isn't "Laura Awakening" a contradiction in terms?


Let me add that I know how to talk the Oneness talk.  Laura is good at that.  Laura gets it "intellectually" in her brain, in her head, in her body.  She explains it with great passion and conviction and clarity to other bodies.  Hopefully, you are beginning to see the problem here.…