Puppets, Propaganda, and Big Girl Underpants
This meditation has brought me around to another vision I had while walking.
ACIM describes the dream, or illusion, as consisting of just a "tiny tick of time." This is to show how inconsequential this illusion, or dream, is in the scope of eternity. It was done and over in a flash, but we who still dream keep replaying it, over and over and over in our minds.
I saw the "tiny tick of time" like a little kaleidoscope-type-thing playing a crazy, scary, chaotic movie over and over. Our Eternal Self is looking into the eye hole, and is mesmerized. The Self that we truly are believes it is IN the kaleidoscope...and what's more, it wants to think that because it has so much fear and guilt about the "tiny mad idea" it had, namely that we could be separate from God.
The tiny mad idea was like..."I can have more than everything...I can do it better than God....I can BE God to myself." We're still "running away" in our mind from the guilt that silly thought engendered. We do this by keeping our minds glued to the meaningless activity in the kaleidoscope through our strong identification with it.
Interestingly, I could feel a shift in my sensations of identification...it was a way of identifying with the eternal Light Son of God looking into the kaleidoscope vs. identifying so strongly with the senseless bodies/going's on inside.
The real Truth is so darn scary to us....identifying with this Self...because the ego tells us all kinds of crap: "God is mad as hell and out to get us." "We killed God." It also tries to convince us that the tiny mad idea was never a mistake and that we were actually right all along: "We're much better off being our own "god" in the illusion."
Which brings us back to problems. All those times we petition the Holy Spirit for some help in whatever crisis/problem we're facing...that's just a way for the ego to reinforce its "reality" in our mind. We may even talk the talk to the Holy Spirit, as in, "hey, I know God is all there is and I'm not really here, but (there's that ego "but" again!) until I die and go to heaven (another lie), can you help me with this very real problem I'm having?"
This is where the propaganda comes in. What we're really saying is politically-correct code for: "LOOK at me and my separate self/life! Acknowledge ME! This world I made is REAL, gosh darn it! See how much REAL PAIN and SUFFERING it causes me? It's REAL I tell you! REAL, REAL, REAL!"
But that egotistical demand/statement (notice it's not a question or request at all at its most fundamental level) is hidden from us. What we are aware of is something very different, where we look like the innocent one in need. The me-identified-with-individual-ego-self/Holy Spirit surface-level conversation goes like this:
Me: "Dear Holy Spirit -- Please, please help save my sick child. I'll do anything you wish...I know you and your Holy power, your Almightiness, can work miracles here [ego flattery]...you can raise the dead, so I know you can do this [laying it on thick]. I promise to be a very very good person, your servant, if you could just heal my child. [ego is eternally trying to strike bargains] Please!"
Holy Spirit: "What child?"
Here the H.S. is taking a stand for Truth, but we rarely hear it. We're too afraid still.
H.S.: "There is no world, there are no bodies. You have one Problem and there is one Answer. You are mistaken about Who You Are and think what never could have happened did. Wake up to the Love waiting for You, dear One."
My body, my child's body, the doctors' bodies, the story of sickness that ties us all together in this drama...they are all made up. We are watching a movie with puppet people...what's more, we are totally identified with the puppet bodies on strings, believing we are unique and separate from the other puppet bodies on strings. But ultimately, nothing is happening. The play is just a re-enactment -- with different forms or symbols -- of the same original choice of the Mind to be separate. It's like how Shakespeare's Hamlet gets made over as The Lion King....over and over and over. This is why at a certain age of maturity you can get the feeling watching the news that you've seen this all before. You have. It's the ego's content being replayed in different forms.
Of course, we can't allow ourselves yet to hear the Truth, because we still have so much fear. Fortunately, the Holy Spirit holds the Truth in our mind, but also meets us where we think we are.
So back to me and my illusionary problems. As I'm contemplating my "problem" I'm beginning to hear a deeper level of the conversation we -- my split mind that is ego and Holy Spirit -- are having. I'm being strongly encouraged by Holy Spirit to let the problem go:
H.S. "Dear One...we're getting to a point where you really need to put on your "big girl underpants" so to speak. There's only one problem and its in the mind, not in the puppet show. So let's get to work...you may be surprised how much you are going to really love Peace and Joy compared to the pleasure/pain cycle you've been in."
I can't truly forgive if I still believe its real and happening to me, Laura. At some point, I need to embrace "the world is not real." And that's just the start! Then I can truly use the world and all the situations I find myself in as a classroom where I undo all the guilt...at lightening speed now that I'm finally out of reverse!.
There's a lot of posing that we egos do out there...talking about "it's all an illusion" and not believing it really.We do the best we can until we're motivated enough to let the Miracle in deeper.