Showing posts from July, 2011

I am not religious.

If I haven't offended anyone yet, this post should do the trick.

I *really* don't mean to be offensive...I only mean to get clear on a point that we've been dancing around together, and "undo some of my unconscious guilt" (see previous posts) by setting the record straight.

Like the title says (and it says something about you that you are even reading a blog with a title like this, by the way...) --

I am not religious.
How can that be, my reader(s) ask(s)?  I have all kinds of posts on this blog about Jesus and the Holy Spirit...I talk about receiving Guidance from Something not me and forgiveness and sin/guilt and...I use the G-O-D word a lot.

Okay, don't hate me yet.  I mean this with the utmost sincerity and respect for your belief system.  But here's the thing I need to say in order to say exactly why I'm not what I *maybe* seem to be:

Religions -- They offer specific rules to follow, codes of ethics, and stories that followers by and large consid…

Puppets, Propaganda, and Big Girl Underpants

After yesterday's message from the Holy Spirit in my mind about letting Him carry me instead of the other way around, I have been contemplating the whole issue of needs (described in ocean of needs) and what it means to assume they've all been met. Needs are another word for "problems." Ken Wapnick, who worked closely beside Helen Schucman and Bill Thetford in the early days after A Course In Miracles had been scribed and who became its original teacher, has said, "Problems are propaganda for the ego."

This meditation has brought me around to another vision I had while walking.

ACIM describes the dream, or illusion, as consisting of just a "tiny tick of time." This is to show how inconsequential this illusion, or dream, is in the scope of eternity.  It was done and over in a flash, but we who still dream keep replaying it, over and over and over in our minds.

I saw the "tiny tick of time" like a little kaleidoscope-type-thing playing …

Ocean of needs

I'm at the beach for a few days with my boys having a mini vacation.  I actually spent yesterday in my hotel room working/writing, but this morning the prompt was strong.

H.S. "Go for a walk."

Me: "Ok, yeah, but I think I'll just have one more cup of coffee."

H.S. "You've waited long enough. Go for a walk."

Me: "Well, okay, you did mention something about a walk yesterday....okay, fine, I'll go."

It was before 10am when I left.  I took the street down to an intersection, hung a right, and then made my way to the sandy beach.  The sky was cloudy and gray (this is the Pacific Northwest afterall). It was cool but not uncomfortably so in my sweatshirt.  I eavesdropped on my thoughts as I walked along....

Me:  "I don't have the right shoes for this."

Me:  "I would like to sit down, but that sad lady over there is sitting on my log."

Me:  "Okay, I will try walking through this really deep sand, which will p…

Wish Fulfillment Part 2 - or The Ego Always Has a Big "But"

In my experience, I seem to walk along the path at a modest incline for long stretches. I live my normal life and do my normal mind watching/forgiveness.  But I also do a lot of auto-pilot time. I lean back, feeling somehow accomplished about a storm I've weathered: "Everything seems to be going just fine, we're right on schedule, weather's good, gas tank's full...I think I will just step into the back cabin and take a nap."

So I'm humming along.  Sure, the ego pops up like a Jack-in-the-box on a regular basis, but I'm used to it. I don't have the same fear or frustration or need to be right etc etc etc anymore.  I'm pleased with myself (ego) because I have more peace than I used to have.  I somehow privately think (there's that bad word again) that I've reached some kind victory over the's like I've had a John Wayne moment, where I've drawn a line in the sand with my spurred boot: "Don't cross this line,…


I'm having one of those times... so I have been spending a lot of time mentally just watching thoughts and asking the Holy Spirit to help me learn and forgive (i.e. deny what is not real...the world is not happening to me, it is happening because of a secret wish founded on fear, etc).   "I need do nothing" has been my mantra, as in "well, there you go...this would be a good time to practice what you blogged about, huh self?"  Ok, I have a point!

So I'm driving my kids to the beach and feel an inner prompt to make a turn I hadn't intended. I make the turn and sit at a stop light.  There's a building on the corner with a billboard.  I get to stare at it for the duration of a red light, and had there not been traffic behind me, I might have made it TWO red lights: 

"Joy is having Trust in God."

Indeed.  We can't "fix" it...we have to sit in it, watch the hate/fear/frustration/sadness/boredom etc etc etc that it seems to provoke,…

Wish fulfillment

A Course In Miracles is not for the faint of heart.  Or maybe a better way to put it is that -- if you basically like your life, it's probably not for you.  Or yet another way to say it is -- if you are looking for a spiritual path that will help you help yourself in the world and help make the world better, again, maybe this is not your path.

Or maybe it is. I don't know.  It wasn't the path I personally thought I wanted way back when, but it suckered me in... :)

Maybe you will suddenly be given ACIM by someone and it will seem to follow you around the house until you open it. Or maybe you will get a subtle the blue book will fall off a bookshelf on your head while you are looking for something helpful on Spirit Guides or Angels in Barnes & Noble.  Or maybe you will suddenly look twice at the doorstop you've been using for years to prop open the door to the back porch, and for some reason today you notice it says "A Course Of Miracles" on the…

Once upon a time, Laura went to see a Faith Healer

Years ago, at 29, I was tired from holding up the disaster I called "my life." Thinking back, I was "doing" all the right things, and it was exhausting.  I was reading books on self help, positive thinking, healing wounds, how to find the work you love, etc etc.  I was working out regularly, attending lectures on angels and the spiritual dimension, taking college classes so I could figure out "what I want to do when I grow up."  I was conscious of my co-dependence and I was consciously facing it as I learned to live alone. I'd even found my spiritual community (I thought) and regularly connected with "like-minded" people.

But I was still feeling adrift without a rudder, heart-broken, and very lonely...and oh so tired.The quaint but often misguided adage -- "when Life hands you lemons, make lemonade" -- wasn't working. Not if I were totally honest.  In the privacy of my empty apartment, I'd face myself and admit I was still …


Have you ever felt you were on a marathon to nowhere?
You think, "My legs are tired, my feet are sore.  The worst part is that I've seen this scenery before." 

My guess is that most of us "hit the wall" from time to time. We feel stuck, discouraged.  We judge ourselves for not being "over" the ego.

If you've been at this a while, it's likely that you will think (never a good thing to do) that you are covering the same territory and your practice (whatever it is) is not working.  You watch yourself dealing with the same ego thoughts, the same old patterns, the insecurities, the fears, the jealousies, the masks, the addictions, the doubt, the shame, the guilt, the anticipation, the desire, the judgment.

You hit the wall. Now ego thoughts about having had ego thoughts take you in a tailspin's a circular trap designed to keep you hostage.  You feel like you've failed. Again. What's feel like you are bad, weak, lesser…