Saturday, February 26, 2011
The unwinding mind in me is like an untied balloon sailing around and around as the air rushes to escape out of it. The "I" I have thought I am has no traction, no control, no creative ability. All the years of straining and striving, praying and teeth-gnashing, has been no more than tail-chasing, resisting, temper-tantruming. And as I catch up to this truth, I am finding that more and more I can be with life in the moment as though it is a perfect, simple cup of tea.
There is nothing to add that can make it more or better than what it already is. Oh, I could drop in a skewered couple of green olives, if I were feeling manic enough, but I will never make it a martini. And there is nothing that can be subtracted from it either. I can't take out the heat or the wet or the color even if I wanted to, and since I can't, why worry about it.
But wait...what madness would want to change What Is?
From the perspective of The Course In Miracles, this question summarizes the only problem we have ever had. We forgot to laugh at the "what if we could be more than God?" thought, and this forgetting made the thought real to us, because as God-mind, our thoughts have power. Then we made the world we see to hide from our pain in "separating" from God, from Is-ness. Now we dream dreams that can never be Real, attempting to make more "life" out of what has never been, instead of returning our thoughts to what is already Perfect Is-ness.
Ah, the mirror again, showing up in the little lives like mine that seem to be born, work, and die. How much of my life has been spent trying to turn something into something it is not!
I must remember to laugh.
The cup the tea is in will change, of course, and it will ultimately, later or sooner, die, as does every form. But tea.. as it is.. right now...just Is. Rumi might tell me to sip it and get drunk. I think that is the direction I am heading.
Being a reluctant go-getter all my life, this life-as-tea existence is, as I allow myself to sink into it, above all other things, restful. The Course calls it the Holy Instant. But it is still a "skill" at the moment to hold this space, and it strains me at times, at which point I must back off and stop doing "not doing." I learn a lot by watching knee jerk make-it-happen, declarative responses that sneak into my thoughts or words or actions.
In other ways, it is miraculous. I saw the Buddha in my son the other day, and I real-ized that for some time, years, I had abandoned him. I knew him as the baby Being, all Is-ness in my arms. But somewhere along the way, I had stopped being with him and had been trying to draw him into The Story. Of course, he could not join me there. Conditioned egoic mind had caught up to us and we were lost to each other. Temporarily.
Thank GOD I am being shown how to be.
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